My life since March has been unexpected to say the least. I never thought that I'd get a divorce or leave my beautiful, forever home or say good-bye to my dream job. I never thought that my daughter would grow up being shuffled between homes or that my husband would leave his family in the middle of the night.
But... I've also learned a few things about myself.
I am strong. I am an awesome mom. I am courageous. I am a true believer in Jesus.
Meili and I have had opportunities that we wouldn't have experienced if we continued to stay where we were. She and her cousin Piper have a wonderful friendship. They will be entering kindergarten at the exact same time and in the same school. My parents have developed a strong relationship with Meili. Again, this wouldn't have happened had we continued to live 3 hours away. My sister and I, while we've always been close, have developed a closer, best friend relationship. I've even become friends with my brother and his wife... eating dinner with them 1 night/week. This never would have happened if we didn't move back to my hometown.
I've had to switch jobs since the move in May. My first job was a good opportunity for me but the benefits were lack luster. An opening became available to teach nursing at the local community college and I jumped on it. The benefits are stellar and I have a somewhat flexible schedule to meet the needs of my daughter. I'm still getting used to the ways things are done here but I'm learning a lot and excited to be back in academia.
The move was probably hardest on Meili. For 2 months, she had trouble sleeping, displayed anxious attachment behaviors, and cried at the drop of a hat. She didn't really know my family and was quite apprehensive around them. Meili had to start all over in a new school and it took a while for her to make friends and get to know her teachers. Now, things for her are the new normal. She loves school and has friends there. Meili is comfortable with my parents and extended family. She is able to spend the night at my sister's house without me and feel secure that I will come back to get her.
Is it hard? Absolutely yes.
I'm still trying to process my emotions surrounding the divorce. I was in counseling back in the Spring and have recently started back up here. I still have many unanswered questions. My head and heart are conflicted with one another and I need to get this resolved before moving on with my life.
Someone the other day asked me if I was ready to start dating again. I laughed at the idea. But at the same time, I had a glimmer of hope. That maybe... some day in the future, I'll be ready for that again. But for now, Meili and I are riding this bumpy road of life together. We've gotten tossed and jiggled around but we're staying together until the end.