A new family for TJ

Things have been eerily quiet on the blog lately. A lot of things are happening behind the scenes right now.

When we first became foster parents, it was under the respite/emergency placement category. Not long term.

When we first accepted TJ, it was under the assumption that she'd be with us for only 2 weeks. Then she'd go to her grandmother.

Oh, what I've learned over the last 6 months from this experience. I've commented several times on TJ's behavior and my response to it. Which on many days has been quite negative. If this had been an adoption, I can confidently say that we would be looking at disruption.

So with the big D word mentioned - TJ is moving to a new foster family next week. This family is an awesome, Christian family. Where the mom stays at home. Something that TJ needs and that I cannot provide.

It's the best decision for all.

I can regain some of my sanity. Instead of worrying about a child who can't control her behavior, sleeping patterns, or impulsivity. Or hurting herself in the wee hours of the morning by stealing food from the upper cabinets and toys from my daughter's room. Or waking up everyone in the house with screams, inappropriate laughter, and turning every single light on in the house at 4 am. At least 2 days a week.

I've tried every.single.parenting tip out there. From reading the Connected Child to randomly searching things on the internet. I haven't found one yet that works on TJ. My husband and I have literally exhausted ourselves physically, emotionally, and spiritually trying to teach this child.

It came to the point over Christmas break that I realized that we both resent her being in our home. Our home used to be quiet and orderly. My daughter didn't have attachment problems. Now Meili refuses to be left alone with anyone other than Ben or myself. She cries, screams, and throws tantrums when not in a room with one of us. For weeks this has been going on. My daughter's teachers are concerned and so is our China adoption social worker.

We had to make a decision. Our daughter or TJ.

We chose our daughter.

I've anguished over this decision for weeks. Both Ben and I feel extremely guilty over disrupting placement. It's not TJ's fault for her behavior. But we're just not the foster family for her. I can't parent a child who has moderate mental illness. So she is moving to a new foster family next week who will be capable of giving her more than we can.